
Today the houses are all built. So, what gives us identity? I was always searching for a theory which might help me to clarify the brother’s identity. While reflecting, I discovered three characteristics of brothering which are based on the gift of meeting extraordinary people, people who are mostly standing on the edges of our society.
Looking past:
As a brother I try to look behind the stigma to see the dignity of each person. I was taught this lesson when I was invited for dinner by life long prisoners. Just entering into a high security prison is an experience in itself. At first, I saw them with the label of “lifelong prisoners” so I felt unsafe and unconfident. I had to look past that! Later on I was deeply moved by this shared dinner. I’m also grateful for my experience living with handicapped people. They know how to look beyond appearances.
Becoming one OF them:
A beggar in the city asked me once for some money. I told him that I didn’t have any but that I just came from a place where he could find food. He said: “Oh, sorry, you are one of us.” That’s it: being one of them! This expresses equality and is a great idea and a challenge for a Brother.
Becoming one FOR them:
We’re faced with inequities daily. “Being one FOR them” expresses advocacy for those whose voice is not heard. I still get goose bumps when I think about a silent protest held in front of a custody pending deportation. I still see the arms of the deportees through the windows and trellises and won’t forget their cries!

Grassroots meetings are essential and I’m convinced that God’s most favourite places are downstairs! Why else did he come down from heaven? The three kings were looking for the newborn king – upstairs! But they found him downstairs in the stable. The prostitute couldn’t find him upstairs with the Pharisees, she found him downstairs on the same level where she cried her tears. And Jesus went down on his knees to wash his friends’ feeds. He asked us to follow his example!
The three characteristics might be a benchmark for brothering. They’re worth thinking about!